dee blog begins

but how? what is a blog anyways. a journal? a sharing of information? a way to connect...
i suppose i am feeling a little bit unsure. im thinking, is my life really interesting enough for people to want to read about it?
is this for others or for myself? and what do i want to get out of it?
the answer....i want to share.
i believe the internet is fundamental to our evolution. it is a bridge between land and mind. i believe its purpose is to teach us of the universal mind. that we are all connected, that each thought is passed through all of us (our thoughts are therefore not only ours) that we have been part of every great idea and every deplorable indiscretion. we are not alone. the internet is the beginning. the internet seems to contain every conceivable idea, truth and fiction... and so it is in each of us, acess to all knowledge is there. this why we are each buddahs, each god, not only do we hold all the answers we are all the answers.
at my most exspecially "high" moments i have seen that truth can be found in anything. that the story of the universe is waiting to be told if you look closely enough.
at my most "high" moments i have known that everything is a sign pointing to some truth.
and sometimes i would like to just sit down and pin it all down, understand it all, but truth doesnt work like that... its something you cant hold onto. like love, it flows
but this is me, this kind of stuff is what i live for, it is how i live, and i hope one day to be a lot better at it.
i love spotting "coincidences". just the other day rich was reading to me about why the sky is blue (because light passing through anything get absorbed or reflected, the wavelength that is reflected is the color our eyes perceive.. im pretty sure thats right :). The next day i heard this on the radio and later when picking up a pyschology book i randomly opened this page.
when this happens with such small things i wonder, what is going on right now? what is the meaning of these "coincidences"? is this a particularly powerfull time for me?
now if only i listened to myself.
but with all the selves i possess its hard to know which one is telling the truth... however i do feel that in the trials of the last few years i have become closer to the one that is true and speak from this place more.
i read somewhere that there are 3 different selves:
1. the observer self:
a self that watches rather than engages in the dramas of the mind. notices the difference between the other two selves and can be used to find clarity and step back
2. the higher self:
infinitly wise, inspiring and positive
3. gremlin self
offers bad advice, puts you down, tries to lift you up through ego iniflation, contains alot of fear
the woman who wrote about these selves than goes onto to say that we are neither of these. we are somewhere, experiencing all of them. choosing which one we wish to be....
ahh well i am nicely tired now, richard is camping for the last two nights and it has been good for me to have some space from him... it can be hard to live with another. to get angry at them for no reason really. i sometimes wonder if it is worth the compromise. i have compromised too much of myself in the past. i am trying to be strong now and listen to how i truly feel.
but we have amon together and it is nice to laugh and be able to depend on his support... we shall see, either way i hope for us to continue to live together. id like to have my own room one day
a room of ones own
things like that are wonderfully alive to me. little secrets of your own. ive felt like that since i was a child and would start little notebooks wishing i had something special to write...
if anyone has read this i hope you have enjoyed it and i send a big breath and smile your way