a mixed pot

"the tooth fairy teaches children to sell their bodies"

a quote i found on another moms blog. i love it.

one of the things i really enjoy about being a mother is also one of the hardest. you have to be so vigilant. i realize that amon is this totally beautiful pure being and i want to let him stay that way. i dont want to tell him what is right and what is bad. i want him to find these things out for himself. i dont want to tell what he has to do. instead i want to encourage him in what i see as a good direction remembering i may be wrong. i want him to keep that awareness that is our birthright. i see so many parents mindlessly going about parenting. giving and reacting to their children in ways they are told, shown, is correct. but what i love about this parenting thing is that you HAVE TO question everything. to tell him no, to tell him about santa clause, vacines, what he eats, birthing, hygiene, down to the toys he plays with, everything has to be examined and its truth be found. "is this what is really best for him, what does this teach him?"

it also enables me to stay in the moment with him and learn more and more how to go with my own truth. and though it seems sometimes overwhelming (especially at first when they are so godly and your so fragile and you want to make everything perfect for them), but really it is a process of learning for both of you. constant revelation.

amon is growing so much. he is so curious and gentle (though his favorite kind of play is wild stuff, like swinging about and monster tickles). he is doing this thing with his hand. he turns his wrist in circles and watches intently than brings his hand to meet his other hand. it reminds me of a bird landing and he seems to stroke it, feeling it, meeting it.

owwee and this is the most amazing gift of a little one, such awareness, catching your attention, slowing you down, inspiring such love

last night we watched a movie which was quite captivating. Saving Dawn is based on the true story of an american pilot who goes down in vietnam and is trapped there. i know, not another american war movie, but christian bale was the main character and he is very good. It reminded me of a book i read "twenty years in a dessert jail" is the autobiography of a woman imprisoned with her brother,mother and sisters for 20 years because their father tried to assasinate the king. it took place maybe 20 years ago or so in morrocco. its a beautiful story. when i am brought from my life to think of others in such horrible conditions i feel that i am so fortunate and i try to appreciate it, and i feel this pressing need to live fully, to live simply, to find a way, my way to make this world a better place. after all "man is not an island".

this is a beautiful view i had walking. but i find it amost impossible to appreciate in the busy loud city. today i got so excited thinking about when we will be moving out west to the lovely hippie town of nelson BC. oh what will be ofr us i wonder? i heard on the radio an metaphor thouhg not exactly beautiful seemed very suiting to what i need to remember 'life can be compared to a game of pool, one can only take ones best shot and hope, after that the bass will go where they will go' so when life is seeming very overwhelming and you dont know where to begin or how anything you do will ever really matter just start with a small step, doing your best with whatever touches you, the rest will follow and you never know the impact that one ball could have on all the others.

hope your not too cheesed out! Enjoy your day brothers and sisters...

ps. here are some pictures of alittle knome i made the other night and the finished angel mobile for my little sister